Listening to the Voices in My Head

I know, odd preamble to a post. I'm getting new glasses, but until I get them, I tend to close my left eye, and watch a movie, or show on the right monitor. So, I was in my chair, watching a show, left eye closed, and Wing comes to the door, which is to my left. I could hear him back away slowly.

A short while later, I paused the show, went out to the kitchen and told Wing that I was awake, and told him I was awake. He said it looked like I was asleep. Alan said it's easy to tell the difference. If I wasn't snoring, I was awake.

Yeah, Alan really loves me

The Covid-19 self isolation/Quarantine has had little or no impact on my life. Who knew that my life has been 'self isolation' since last year? 

Family: All is well! No one sick, no one hurt. Everyone is bored out of their skulls.. well, I'm not totally bored. VR headset is rather entertaining.

My heel, while the foot was taped, was feeling pretty good in the shoes the podiatrist told me to get.  Then, the tape came off, and the right shoe is too big. If I had a lot of money, I'd buy one pair size 9 for the right shoe, and one pair size 9 1/2 for the left shoe. I've tried a few things, with so so results, to stop the shoe from sliding up and down on the back of my heel, and not tied so tight my foot goes numb. Tried wearing thin sport sock under the regular sock, and felt ok at first, but my foot started going numb, no matter how I loosened the laces. Will have to talk to podiatrist, and physio regarding this problem. Am seeing Dr S (osteo surgeon) tomorrow. Will see what he had to say on the matter.

The padding on my chair seat is squished down to the point it feels like I'm sitting on just the frame. Went to Clark Rubber and got a square of memory foam.  It's pretty good, although it does need a bit of beveling on the front edge. It's currently residing in an old, by clean, t-shirt. My butt takes me for the cushioning. :D

Have to say stress levels are rather high. Health issue, and family issues. Wing working from home meaning we had to tiptoe around the house because he was video conferencing, or on a phone call. That also meant no vacuuming, and hoping the washing machine didn't have an unbalanced load. Thankfully, he's back to the office.

The child my eldest put up for adoption got in contact with her father, my son, last year. She got in touch with me earlier this year.  It was great to hear from her.  She is everything a 20 something young woman can be.  Unfortunately she comes with so heavy emotional baggage that I am unable to help her with sorting out.  I've been umm stressed from what she related to me. Stress, for me, causes hemi-dystonic seizures.  I really don't want to zombie myself by going back to three doses a day.  Yes, she is my grand child, but I can't deal with this right now. She is too needy, and clingy.  I'm currently seeing counselor, and that last thing I need is to take on someone else's problems at this time.

Jared Johnson, my original Un-Son, who was one of the most gentle, kind, selfless beings to walk the planet, passed away yesterday from esophageal cancer. Paul, my eldest son, contacted me and told me about his passing. He got to see Jared before he died, and got to talk to him. Jared was ready, he was tired. He was only 44. He was so selfless, and didn't want anyone to worry, he didn't let anyone know he was ill, and right until last week was posting cute and funny things on Facebook. To say I am gutted would be an understatement. I only have one photograph of him, and that is how I will always remember him. Human slave to cats, and a very kind and loving human being.

I will miss him forever.

Actually, no funeral. He has been cremated already. No flowers, but if you wish to honor him, make a donation to a local animal shelter in his name.

City of Live Oak: Shelter animals need good homes

He is going to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery, full military honors.

I can't tell you how much I do NOT want that orange idiot attending or officiating. Draft dodger Donald is not welcome, not by a long shot.

Called my mother. Step-father is still hanging in there. This really isn't what you can call a good thing, as there is no chance of recovery here. Do NOT give me any malarkey about miracles. They have jokingly saying he's waiting for the 4th of July. He's always loved fireworks.

No matter how much you know what's coming, there is no easy way to handle it, is there? I'm still having trouble processing it, as he was always such a strong force of nature. Seemed unstoppable.

Of all things, I am glad I mended fences years ago. As heartbreaking as what our family is going through now, regret would have just eaten away at me had I not just let go of anger and hurt, and just moved on.

Cancer still fucking sucks.