Listening to the Voices in My Head

It goes to mid-thigh, instead of almost into the groin, to mid-calf, with one of the straps above the shelf of the calf, so it can be secured into place.

It has a lockable hinge, which has it's good point and it bad.

The Good: It keeps my knee from bending, holding it in a straight position, not putting any strain on the injured area. The hinges can be unlocked, allowing for easier sitting (ie in the car, or in the TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN ROOM)

The Bad: After a while, though, I get itchy under it. The "Bane of Neoprene". And there's one spot hook end Velcro that chafes on the inside of my right leg if I don't get it on just right. And it's very tiring to get about. Crutches, cane, they help, but still tiring.

In 9 days, I get an ultrasound guided injection in the joint. Yes, it will have some local anesthetic, but it's still gonna f**king hurt like hell going in.

Why is it everything that is wrong with me and has to be tested/treated, it's in very painful ways?

And right now, I am a bit 'touchy'. Anniversary of losing Mister Meow-Gi, aka Keito coming up fast. My heart still hurts over losing him the way I did.

Yesterday, I saw Mr. S, the osteo surgeon who replaced my worn out right knee. The right knee replacement is great, and even though I still have some pain from the operated on compartment syndrome, all is ok with it.

Left knee.. *sigh* bends back and forth ok, but it also moves left to right too easily. That means the osteo-arthritis is getting worse, and I'm losing knee stability. And today, unlike other times, my left knee fekking HURTS. Have compression/support bandage on it. Between that and pain meds, I'm able to walk somewhat normally. I did have to order another compression bandage, as the velcro on the one I'm using is worn out and tends to let go. So, the time of LTKR is coming closer. Just not yet.

Today was appointment with D, my counselor. Because of pain meds, I was all over the place. But I was able to focus on the one thing that is stressing me out; tomorrow, Trance and Loki get home visit by the vet, and Loki gets boxed up to get his teeth cleaned. He really needs it, as he has really bad breath. If the vet that gave wrong advise that caused Keito's death shows up, I will show him the door. Call out fee be damned.

Also, discussed the possibility of getting another purrkid. She said the way we love animals, and how much they mean to us, there is probably no way we won't, when we're heart healed and read, get another rescue or two. I personally would love a 'house panther', or maybe a bonded pair looking to be re-homed together. Just not yet... not ready. I, and Loki, are still in mourning over Keito's sudden death.

I miss you. I catch myself watching and waiting for you to come out of your hidey-hole in the closest. Or waiting for you to come into the bathroom when I'm 'busy', to demand pats and pets. Looking for you in the window, 'solar charging'.

I miss the feel of your light landing on the bed, and the delicate way you would start walking up my foot, ankle, leg, hip, side, to sit on my arm/shoulder to bat and paff me on the cheek, or nose. Or to gently bite my cheek, purring so hard.

I miss you peeking at me over the curtain, meowing because it was "Time to eat!". I miss that when you were standing at the side door, you would look at my reflection, right into my eyes, and know that was me, meow to be let out to sit on your cushion. I miss you knocking on the door to be let back in. I miss you meeping at me when I said "Echo, bedroom light on" thinking I was talking to you.

I miss how you never left my side when I was sick, or would stay with me after I got home from being at the hospital, and how you would let me 'cry in your fur' when I was down.

I miss you in a myriad of small ways, that has left a hole in me, that will take a long time to heal.

I miss you.



#Keito

I've placed the toy mice he would hoard, and the laser pointer that gave him so many hours of play time trying to catch the red bug next to his urn. My heart is both breaking and numb at the same time.

A few weeks ago, after a bout of chemo therapy, the vet told us to just feed Keito whatever he wanted, when he wanted.   I wish I had known he hadn't read Keith's entire medical history, because that was probably the worst possible instructions to give us.  I thought he knew Keito was diabetic, and instructed accordingly.

What 1 week of following his instructions was Keito going into acute hyperglycemia, on top of being treated for lymphoma. He spent a week at the vet, and he was doing so well. Alert, active, after insulin, and IV glucose, and regular feeding.   But what we weren't told is that what that did to his diabetes is made it uncontrollable.

We have brought him home for the weekend, according to Dr J, to say goodbye, to get or last cuddles and loves in, because she believes Keito is just giving up.

But when we brought him home, he demanded to be fed, and even though he only ate half of the cat food we gave him, he chowed down on the fresh roasted chicken I gave him.  This morning, it was the same routine, my legs swung out of bed, and he was there snogging my toes, meowing, following me into the bathroom, pestering me while I was... umm sitting to pet him, causing him to slide all over the tile floor.

He then followed me out to the kitchen, demanding to be fed, ate about half of the food that was given, but two hours later ate some more.  Then I got some cuddle time with him. Relaxing, purring and drooling.

He's not ready to do, no matter what Dr J thinks or said.  I'm hoping for the best though, but preparing for the worst, in case this bright behavior of his is just the final spark of the loving being that is our beloved Keito.