The difference between forgiving and forgetting

[anysia]

Someone asked me if I would ever forgive a certain group of people for what they did, and tried to do to me.  Someone was shocked when I replied "I forgave them a long time ago.. I just haven't forgotten what they did, and will never allow or trust them to be in such a position to do the same thing again."

There is a world of difference between forgiving and forgetting.  I forgive my mother for being abusive, neglecting etc etc.  But I have had nothing to say to her for almost 7 years now.  I did try to reconcile a few times, but she went right back into her controlling and bullying.  Sorry, been there, done that, had huge counciling bills to prove it.  There is the point where banging head against the wall because it will feel good when you stop is just self delusion.

So yes, I forgive them, but I will not forget.

Comments

[crazysoph.livejournal.com]

As in the old saying: bury the hatchet, but mark the spot.

I'm not sure I'd forgive, in many instances where you already have. Although I'm not so far as the explanation of the folly of non-forgiveness, "Like swallowing rat-poison and then waiting for the rat to die." Moving on, in some instances, seems to be about as close to forgiveness as I will get, like G'Kar telling Londo, "In my universe, you no longer exist."

But, I think that word "forgiveness" sometimes sparks reflexes that aren't appropriate here - I don't know if you had much experience with people who abused the whole notion of forgiveness (I suspect you might; attempts of reconciliation with your mother would have been a likely place for her to try such), but my response is complicated by people invoking forgiveness, but somehow it was only ever they who were the wronged party (by me, natch).

Anyway, stopped by to respond with "Bury the hatchet but mark the spot."

Crazy(and you can guess why!)Soph

[anysia.livejournal.com]

For me, the term forgive means to just move on. I can get by without them, and do so quite well.

[meljane.livejournal.com]

I'm guilty of forgiving and not forgetting but I'm also guilty of not forgiving .

There are some things I will never forgive and even more that I can't forget (even though I have a bad memory)and some things are too horrible to forgive .

I've tryed not dwelling in the past but year by year things get better and there are always little things that bring things to the surface every once in a while.