anysia: (Moping)
[personal profile] anysia
Not just about the knee and how to treat it, but what this whole thing is doing to me.

9 years ago a calcified disc between two vertebrae collapsed, needed surgery to fix it. I adjusted to my limitations after the back surgery. I didn't like the fact that dancing, both teaching and performing, was no longer possible. It hurt, as I loved it. But I adjusted. I took up photography again, and could go out whenever and where ever.

But this. Even trying to type this out, I'm trying not to lose it again. I hate this. The not being able to do even what i used to do. I can't even go for a walk in the park because it just hurts too much (bone on bone grinding leaves me gasping in pain sometimes). More than once, I have finished cooking dinner by resting my elbows on the counter to hold myself up. I am so tired all the time. I also find myself crying, not just because the knee hurts, but from frustration, but because I feel I am a burden and a disappointment.

Dr S understood, was very compassionate, and told me that chronic pain/inability to do usual activities is very wearing on the body and spirit, and how I felt was normal.

Here's hoping the 2nd round of SYNVISC will give me longer good result.

Date: 2017-06-24 07:33 am (UTC)
stephbg: I made this! (Default)
From: [personal profile] stephbg
I'm glad your doctor understands. It's one thing to deal with a major loss of functionality, but when others follow it gets harder each time. It's a bastard of a thing, to be sure. *hugs*

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anysia

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