Jun. 30th, 2017

anysia: (Moping)
As much as a gut punch the news was, I would rather be informed than get blind sided. Cancer fucking sucks.

It came back with a vengeance. My stepfather is in hospice, palliative care only. He has made the decision of pain management only, no feeding tubes, no machines, no heroic measures.

I'm.. confused at how I feel.

Part of me is 'dad is dying', and it's a kick to the gut. He was the ONLY one who comforted me when my sister died, at the wake. If it hadn't been for him, I would have lost my eldest son to drowning, and not have 4 beautiful grandchildren.

The other part... angry that he's giving in, because my mother, although with a few creaking joints, is in good health, she needs him. I know she is a tough old gal, but she needs him.

Yet another part is relieved because I know he's been fighting cancer for decades and he is TIRED. So very tired. And he deserves to rest on his own terms.

Cancer fucking sucks.

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anysia

September 2017

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